My oldest son told me something today that made me feel terrible. He told his friends at school that we were forced to leave our home even though we did nothing wrong. Dramatic, but true. He told me the kids at school thought he was joking because he is always saying weird things (being a nerdy 6th grader and all).
I know that under the circumstances, I am in the best possible situation. I am staying with a friend who has a gorgeous home! Quite frankly, this place is a lot nicer than my apartment was. On the weekends I will be staying with my boyfriend who also has a comfortable house with all the amenities I need. I want for nothing.
But my boys still feel uncomfortable because it’s not their own home. They long for our old, drafty apartment because it was ours. I know this situation is not my fault, but I can’t help feeling guilty.
So now I feel even more motivated to find a new place of our own. I have to do my best to save money, and hopefully find another source of income. I’m just not making enough to pay all my bills and eventual rent. Now that my student loan payments have kicked in, my bills are even more ridiculous.
I’m stuck. I need to turn my creativity into money. I have the tools, but suddenly I don’t know how to orchestrate them. I’m feeling like a child; dependent on others and suddenly no longer sure how I should move on to the next phase of my life.
I know I have gotten by with less money and more responsibilities before, I just don’t remember how. I remember endless bill collection calls and losing cable for a few weeks. I remember losing car insurance and threats to repossess my car. I don’t ever want to be in that kind of situation again.
I will be stuck inside for the next few days thanks to the oncoming storm, so I will be meditating on how to improve our situation.
Until the next update!